100 Word Challenge Week #13

It was 11:30 pm. I broke into a Toys R Us because I needed to pee. The lights of the bathroom would not turn on. So i just went in the dark. I heard a rattle and it startled me and caused me to scream. I finally found the lights to the store. In isle 13 I saw a circle of furbys. The lights shut off and the furbys set on fire. I ran away but the furbys where chasing me with water pistols that had lava in them. The furbys tried to run but they were exhausted. I escaped.

Comments

  1. Hello Astandardname,
    Your use of the prompt is interesting and engaging. Do not use words like 'pee' in a formal piece of writing; it is rather gross. You might write 'I needed to use the washroom.' Also, the word 'I' is always capitalized. Well done on completing the 100 Word Challenge.
    Sincerely,
    Mrs. Van

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  2. I liked how you used your creativity and how you talked about aisles and time. It gives it a realistic touch. A thing you could have worked on would be using the word "furbys" less.

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  3. This a funny and creative story. One thing you need to do is highlight or some how make the prompt stand out.

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  4. I enjoyed the abstract way that the story was written and how you balanced the contrast of possibility and it being too far-fetched. Next time try to keep the story simple, like not breaking in at night for a restroom break.

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